I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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