I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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