Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
