right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
