I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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