i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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