Only a mothe r could love this liver
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
