is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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