Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize