I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish I only lived at night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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