My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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