Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
