I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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