It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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