Swine flu is the new snow day.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
