I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
