We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize