MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
high people should be assigned attendants
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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