i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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