im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
