I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
3 2 1 whiskey
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
