Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
