do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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