There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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