I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
