yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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