My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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