so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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