Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize