You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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