i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
4 words: hood of his car
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
