I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
