doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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