I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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