I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize