i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
