U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We left an ass print on the piano.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
