dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Acid is not a monday night drug
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
