he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
