I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
