i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
