i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
