there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
