i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
