Taylor Swift is so right about you.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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