I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dicks are not precious.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
