Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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