i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
