i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
