Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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