And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
