Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
bring money and cleavage
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
