on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
