what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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