i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize