Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
