I love having hate sex.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
