My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
this just has baby written all over it
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
