After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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