Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I could make wine with my vomit
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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