woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
