Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
