be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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