my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
