Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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