Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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