you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
