I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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