D3 body, D1 cock
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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