i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
