heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
