im six kinds of drunk right now
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
