I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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