We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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