i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
