My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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